Friday, July 6, 2012

Write On Edge: Freedom Challenge

Red Writing Hood gives us 400 words this week.

Freedom.

Mankind has spent its entire existence in pursuit of Freedom. Even now, around the world, some of us are seeking freedom from bills, and are working hard to pay them off. Some want freedom from their parents and are working hard to move out on their own. Some want the freedom to travel so are working hard to get that promotion at their place of work. Or some want the freedom to do absolutely nothing at all, and have worked hard their whole lives so they can retire. Freedom isn't free. For each measure of individual freedom, there is a price, a sacrifice to be made, and it requires a fanatic devotion to maintain once obtained. Freedom is fleeting and delicate, and when we barter our freedoms, we gain nothing and lose everything.

Oops, that was more dismal than I intended it to be. I really should put up the soapbox.

So close to July 4th for the U.S.A. and July 14th for France, I find it difficult to avoid the more obvious route here. So I've decided not to fight it. We last met Thaddeus here. Paul Revere rode at midnight. The British carried orders to imprison Samuel Adams and John Hancock, and to seize minuteman supplies.



I offer the following in response: A Budding Patriot

 
The pitched battle yielded the tactical withdrawal of the British Regulars. A latecomer, Thaddeus gripped his primed rifle, straining to see through the smoky haze. Shot peppered the ground around him. The sound of a horse reached his ears and he turned towards its origin, squeezing the trigger as he aimed for its Redcoat rider. He dropped back to the earth, already dispensing a measure of powder into the warm rifle barrel. Ramrod impacting the load, he was back in position, ready to fire.

“Push ‘em hard!” someone cried.

Gun-smoke obscured his vision and sulfur burned his lungs as he breathed through his next round of fire then repeated his reloading ceremony. Powder. Linen. Ball. Ram. Prime the flashpan. Aim. Fire. Hearing someone call out for shot, Thaddeus reflexively checked his pouch. He had three balls left.

Hearing hooves of horses, he plastered himself to the ground behind his berm. Equine shadows thundered over him, the hock of one missing his head by inches. Thaddeus spit the dirt from his mouth and pushed himself up to reload.

Powder. Linen. Ball.

Redcoat approaching.

Ramrod. Flashpan.

Devil raising bayonet.

Aim. Squeeze.

Redcoat dropping.

Thaddeus ran the few feet to his felled victim. He knelt for a time next to the dying man, unable to move, watching his chest rise and fall in shallow, rapid succession, then shudder to complete stillness. Instinct made Thaddeus divest the redcoat of weapons, shot, and powder. “May angels guide you home,” he whispered, knowing that this death would haunt him as Christopher Seider did.

Awareness resuscitated by a nearby muzzle flash, he reeled to catch his bearings. There were more militiamen beside him, reloading and priming. Thaddeus forgot his kill for the moment, renewed at the sight. The redcoats were vastly outnumbered. Giving chase, the militia was pressing the regulars back towards Boston.

Hope was heavy on the breeze as he realized he wasn’t just there to keep the redcoats from arresting Mr. Adams. His participation was about all of it; Christopher Seider’s death, the massacre, the tea, the taxes, the frustration. No more would he fear customs officers at the harbor. No longer would he yield to a man wearing a red coat. Thaddeus could taste freedom, and he would die before returning to the shackles of oppression. He loaded his rifle, preparing for a new target..


28 comments:

  1. awesome

    The testosterone amd love of history all flowing through me was into this from the first word.

    This was very creative, but it also tapped into the original meaning of the word. I liked this a lot.

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    1. Thanks Lance! I'm thrilled this worked for you. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  2. Please, please, please tell me this is part of a larger work in progress. It sounds like such a cliche to say, "I felt like I was there" but it's true. This feels very authentic.

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    1. Thanks! I will say that I'm not shelving Thaddeus. It may be some time before we see him again, but yes he will return. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  3. Very nice. Loved this description, " Equine shadows thundered over him"

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    1. Thanks for stopping by and letting me know what worked. I'm glad you liked it!

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  4. Loved this...really. I love the way it captures the senses without being remarkably wordy. The beauty is in its simplicity.

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    1. Thanks for the love! I'm thrilled this worked. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  5. oh wow, Shel you have such a gorgeous way with words and feelings. I adored this, from the history parts to the human parts, the way we as people have not changed in the HISTORY of being alive and feeling beings.

    you captured all of it, and made me feel the freedom.

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    1. Thanks for the wow! I'm thrilled to know it worked. As ever I love when you stop by. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!

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  6. "Hope was heavy on the breeze..." You often don't think of hope as a burden, but it certainly can be! The hopes of an entire nation, as yet unborn, ride with your soldier. I love that he was up to the challenge.

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    1. Thanks! I'm thrilled it worked. Thaddeus is a young man of great conviction which can only mean that he will do great things. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  7. I love historical fiction :) You hit all the right notes with just enough detail to set the scene but not too much to overwhelm the reader.

    My only critique is this line: "Hearing hooves of horses..."

    It just seems like you are stating the obvious. I don't think you need to clarify they are the hooves of horses. And it might sound better to play on the sound the hooves are making. "The thundering of hooves filled his ears" perhaps :)

    Always enjoy your pieces!

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    1. Ooh excellent point! I will revisit that when "final" piece is pulled together. I'm thrilled that I always bring something you can enjoy. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  8. This was a pretty incredible piece. You have a way with words, painting a portrait of historical significance. The intensity of the narrative kept me close to the action as it was happening.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by and letting me know this worked. I tried to keep this driving and pivoting forward, so I'm glad I pulled it off. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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  9. This was really nicely done. I really liked this: “May angels guide you home,” because it served as a reminder of the once humanness of war. And it was only after reading this that I wondered to myself why someone would ever go into battle wearing red.

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    1. Redcoats hide bloody injuries, thereby presenting the illusion that the enemy isn't shot. It's a theory anyway. War brings out the worst in some, the best in others. I will try to keep that perspective whenever I write these types of stories.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  10. What vivid descriptions! You did a great job of capturing the details of loading the old muzzleloaders, the acrid smoke that was sooo terrible from them, and the determination that laced the whole piece. Plus, I loved the return to the origin of the idea.

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    1. Thanks! I haven't fired a blackpowder rifle in a long time so I had to consult my dad to make sure I remembered the process correctly.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  11. You do a great job putting me in the moment here, and the ugliness and necessity that is man fighting for freedom. War is so different now, with planes and bombs and computerized everything, and sometimes I think people forget the human aspect of soldier vs. soldier that was such a part of our older wars.

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    1. War is Hell and I'll never say it isn't. But I know what it would take to make me take up arms, and what would cause me to lay them back down. I can't imagine the horrors anyone in war has faced, but I can do my best to treat his reasoning with honor and respect.

      Thanks for stopping by and letting me know it worked. I'm thrilled you enjoyed your stay.

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  12. One can't grow within a day's drive of Boston without these stories in your ear. I thought you captured it so well. The language is gorgeous.

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    1. Thanks Cam! I'm thrilled to know I did the time justice. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  13. Being Australian, I'm not so familiar with the history here but you've done an exceptional job of evoking this moment in time. The language felt very authentic. Wonderful!

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    1. That's okay! Being American, all we're ever taught about Australian history is that y'all were a penal colony. :)

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  14. Historical fiction is not usually my reading of choice, but I did enjoy this and the first one where you introduced Thaddeus. Well done!

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! I'm thrilled I was able to bring you an enjoyable historical fiction piece. Thank you for checking out the origin story of Thaddeus. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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