Friday, March 2, 2012

Write On Edge: A Rainy Night Challenge

This week in Red Writing Hood  gives us 500 words to tell a story, beginning with: It was a rainy night in Dusseldorf.


I offer the following response: Collision

continued from Write On Edge: Conflict and Violence Challenge titled: Loyalty Challenged



“It was a rainy night in Dusseldorf,” the radio announced. “Thousands were left without electricity when…”

Eddie fumbled through the stations, catching static a few times before settling on country. Gina knew it was to get under her skin. It was no secret that she detested country music. She struggled to find a comfortable position, but shifting only made the handcuffs dig deeper into her wrists. Surrendering, she leaned forward to rest her cheek against the back of the shotgun seat. “Take it easy on the speed bumps, Flatfoot,” she muttered in vain.

“Yeah, I’ll take it easy, just as soon as you cough up a compelling reason.”

“Human decency, you stuffed pig.”

The high-pitched wail of the singer complained of dry whiskey and a cheating heart. Gina wanted to vomit. Anger and frustration battled for dominance within her, but it was the seed of doubt taking root that caused her uneasiness. She replayed that night Joey died in her mind, grasping tightly to the details of the memory for fear of losing them. He didn’t deserve that death. He didn’t deserve any of it. Jimmy swore on his father’s grave that the responsible party would suffer. Didn’t that prove that he had nothing to do with it?

The dispatch on the cop radio belched a series of numbers that meant nothing to Gina, but Eddie responded with a 10-4. “We’re going to make a stop before I get you to booking,” he announced the change of plans while engaging the turn indicator. He was going to make a left on Washington.

“Oh, stop away. Don’t let me keep ya from your hot date. Your dispatch sounds like a real piece.” She was grasping at insults, concealing how defeated she felt.   

“Shut that mouth of yours,” Eddie warned, “or I’ll toss you into the windshield at the next dip.”

A car slammed into their sedan’s side, spinning them about and deploying the airbags. The screech of collapsing steel and fiberglass assailed her ears as Gina was thrown against the opposing door. She felt the instant crack of pain as her skull bounced off the window. Landing face down in the ditch behind the driver’s seat, she attempted to stabilize her position unsuccessfully. When the car stopped spinning, she heard Eddie’s door wrench open and a brief struggle that ended with a heart-shattering gunshot.

“Oh God, Eddie!” she thought feebly as she slipped into the black that swallowed her mind whole.

 

11 comments:

  1. Great interaction between your characters, and quite suspenseful at the end... Enjoyed reading your post.

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    1. Thanks for the follow and the feedback! I'm glad you stopped by!

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  2. wow, what an ending! What kind of car accident ends in a gun-shot?! Hope we'll find out next week :) Very well done - really paints a picture of the people.

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    1. Hehehe I'm so mean to my characters. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  3. Great, from the very first line. Not at all awkward or self-conscious. I definitely need to catch up on the story... and tune in for more! Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Not that there's any reason you WOULD sound "awkward or self-conscious." Sorry I kind of typed that comment mid-thought and hit publish without really explaining what I mean. Let's do that again!

      I entered this narrative mid-stream and was completely comfortable with that. Obviously there's more to the story, but you managed to write this installment in a way that makes it possible for a new reader to grasp what needs to be grasped and not worry about the stuff you might have missed. You tell just enough and there's not a moment when it feels awkward or self-conscious or catch-up -y (It ought to be a word). There. That's better.

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    2. I've so done that, no worries! I'll buy catchupy for a dollar. Like my tagline says, Expressions of Talking Leaves is a home for lost and found words.

      I try to write these posts like stand alone scenes, completing as much of the vision for the story as possible within the word limit. Not always as easy as one might think, but I love a challenge.

      Thanks for stopping by and leaving feedback! I appreciate it!

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  4. Wow! How suspenseful! You hooked me right away. Great job!

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad you stopped by. Thank you for the feedback!

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  5. I'm curious now... so many unwound threads in one relatively short piece!

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    1. I try to give depth to everything I write so I'm thrilled that's coming across. Thanks for stopping by and for the feedback!

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