Wednesday, July 10, 2013

A Bell Is A Cup (WoE week 28)

Write At The Merge this week challenged us with a photo of some artistic statuary from a park and the following quote:

"A Bell Is A Cup Until It Is Struck." - Colin Meloy

I went after the bell is a cup. Reminds me of "the hotter the fire, the stronger the steel".

I'm returning to Patience and her quest to rescue her youngest sister Charity from the clutches of the Lassiers. Jeb Grayson aims to teach Patience a much needed lesson about survival in the west.


I offer the following in response: A Lesson


 
“Y’ever fire one of these before, girl?” Jeb held a rifle out, his look hard to read.

Patience shook her head as he placed it in her hands. The weight of the rifle took her by surprise, and the weight of its power took her by the heart. Did she really believe that she could get her sister back without firing one? She swallowed hard, feeling unsteady. “I’ve never had much need to, back in Boston.”

She prepared for a cutting retort. And you think that place is civilized, or Figures were two possibilities that floated through her mind. He said neither. “Well, now’s a good time as any to learn,” he touched her elbow, positioning her arms with gentile force. “Tuck the stock against yer shoulder…”

Her palms sweaty, she lowered the rifle. “I don’t know…Couldn’t I just…”

His sigh carried more weight than the rifle in her hands. “Look, girl, there’s somethin’ y’need to understand about this little excursion.” His eyes darkened. “Now I tol’ you when you tried stealin’ my horse that the Lassiers ain’t for messin’ with. Make no mistake, that twisted family’s got the devil in their veins.”

Patience thought of her sister and tears fell from her eyes like a flash flood.

He paused. “You wanna know why no one back in Brasher was keen to help you get yer sister back? They’re relieved it wasn’t their sister that got took. Understand? When the Lassiers take somethin’, ain’t no one ever gonna see ‘em again.”

“You’re saying Charity’s dead?” Patience whispered.

“No, I’m sayin’ Charity’s gone. Brasher townsfolk tried to tell ya to let ‘er stay that way.”

“I can’t just let her go like that!” It hurt. Her throat cut off her air while her lungs waged war to breathe. “She’s my baby sister. She was my responsibility while my parents were at the fort…”

“That’s it, girl. That’s the fire I need you to have.” He squeezed her shoulder. “Y’had the stomach to git this far when all o’ Brasher cowered in their homes. But I’m tellin’ ya, this is gonna take more out of ya, a lot more. It’s not just the Lassiers. We gotta cross more open wilderness before we git there. There’s grizzly and wolves and rattlers, and ain’t none of them critters gonna be happy we’re there. An iffn we come across someone that don’t wanna be found, and iffn they decide they want a woman-“

“You can’t mean-”

“Girl, the West is good for two kind o’ people, them livin’ life, and them escapin’ life. Y’can’t predict what them escapin’ life are capable of.”

“What kind are you?” Patience asked.

He spit. “Most days, I’m livin’. The real question is: what kind are you?”

She tucked the rifle against her shoulder and focused through the sight to the split-log a few yards out and squeezed the trigger.


Over the ringing in her ears she heard Jeb say, “I guess yer livin’.”


10 comments:

  1. Great dialogue! I love how you moved the action along, letting the characters grow. That was great!

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    1. Thanks! I tend to be dialogue heavy so I'm pleased that the pacing was still fluid.

      I hope you enjoyed your stay. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  2. Patience is living up to her name and I'm glad she taking hold of her fire. I love Jeb. I want a Jeb of my own. But I love that he is helping her be strong, helping her uncover the woman she's going to need to be to get her sister back. Though if I know anything about writing things are never quite as they seem. Great read.

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad you love Jeb. I'm pretty fond of him myself. I can see the growth in him as much as I can see in Patience. They'll meet somewhere in the middle, while she's building a wall around her soul and he's allowing cracks to develop in his.

      I hope you've enjoyed your stay. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  3. Great job with the dialogue and setting. That last line really delivered a good punch too.

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    1. Thanks! Patience's world is going to get darker before she sees the sun again, but I think she's determined enough to get there. I'm glad to see that the last line delivered that impact.

      I hope you enjoyed your visit. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  4. I love the detail you packed into this scene. The way Jeb prods Patience into going on with the pursuit feels very realistic.

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    1. Thanks! Jeb started this quest 'cause he needed the money, but like all good anti-heroes, he's investing more of himself in the cause. He knows what they're going to be up against, because he's been there, and his last ending wasn't a happy one, probably because he wasn't prepared. Preparing Patience is the only tenderness he knows how to give right now.

      They're good for each other.

      I hope you enjoyed your stay. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  5. Jeb does have a strong voice, and this stood well by itself, so good job. Dialect is always a little tricky to balance not enough against too much. I will say that coming fresh at this (I've been away from the prompts for a couple months!) I didn't picture him as a hero (or anti-hero) because the dialect was so strong, I immediately identified him as a side character, a color person. I think you could get the effect of his speech with a little less. But that's a pretty picky concrit!

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    1. Thanks! You're absolutely right about dialect. It's a very difficult challenge to achieve the perfect balance. I'm working on the permanent structure for the final product and I will certainly monitor his patterns more diligently. I am glad this stood on its own legs. It means I'm doing something right when I sketch out my scenes. :)

      I hope you enjoyed your visit. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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