Saturday, January 11, 2014

A Past to Forget (WoE #2)

Write at the Merge gives us 500 words this week and the following quote and picture for inspiration. 

Wood Snake provided courtesy Unsplashed
"The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there."
LP Hartley, The Go-Between (1953)

There were several directions I wanted to go, but in the end I decided to return to Essie Dorely and her heavenly new career as a reaper. She just met her partner. If you have the opportunity and you want to get caught up you can start here first, and then here next.

I offer the following in response: A Past to Forget


“Now, please follow me. We’ll start Essie’s training.” Reaper and his silent flip-flops floated over the platform.

Abilene twirled her stole, her eyes following Reaper. “Mmm, mmm but that man can rock a suit.”

Essie tugged at her sleeves and rocked her shoulders back. “After you Miss Fortesque.”

The vixen snorted a laugh, a trail of smoke escaping from her nostrils. “Honey, do please call me Abilene. Miss Fortesque was probably my mother.”

“Probably?” Essie stopped before she started. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did she die before you were born?”

She responded with a casual shrug. “I don’t know but to be honest, I don’t ever give it much thought.”

Essie quickened pace when she caught Reaper turning to wait at the end of the platform. “But aren’t you curious?”

“Aren’t you as precious as a lollipop? You figure out what I am yet?”

Words stuck in Essie’s throat, so she gave a dumb nod and tried to focus on Reaper’s flip-flops.

Abilene uttered a cruel sigh, “So you do know what I am. Well, then you should probably know that my kind tend to avoid our pasts whenever it can be helped. History, you see, is a creature all its own, one, I should add, that won’t hesitate to blackmail you so you spend the rest of eternity in the bloody basement, darning socks with razor blades and…that analogy got away from me I think.”

Essie smiled. “A bit.”

“The point is, the past is what keeps me in fire and brimstone, get me? I live through it enough downstairs, I don’t want to think about it on my off time.”

“Okay, got it. No questions about your past.”

If Reaper was impatient, he didn’t show it. “Making friends?”

Although Reaper’s tie didn’t need straightening, Abilene stepped close to him and made a show of smoothing his tie into submission. “Of course, darling. We were having a lovely, intimate intercourse, negotiating our boundaries.”

He stepped back and the silkiness slipped through her gloved fingers. Abilene turned and winked at Essie. “Oh, before we go any further, I should let you know that my safe word is Armageddon.”

Reaper shook his head, his twilight eyes sparkling, “Miss Fortesque, please behave yourself or you won’t get to go.”

“Ash and rot, we’re not going to Gilroy again are we? It took forever to get that garlic stench out of my hair.”

He smiled, broad and teasing. “Paris.”

“France?” Abilene squealed and held up two fingers in a salute. “I’ll do anything you want for Paris. The boutiques, the food, the Frenchmen…”

Essie brightened, excitement coaxing goose-flesh to her arms. She remembered getting lost in Paris. She was so twisted about she ended up at the l’Arc de Triomph when she was supposed to be at the Eiffel Tower, but she didn’t care. She loved the City of Light.

“I call shotgun.” Abilene snuffed her cigarette against the wall.

The ash dripped off the wall without a trace of evidence left behind.



Some of the WoE crowd mentioned during the assessment that they aren't always sure when it's okay to leave criticism. I'll try to remember to be a better citizen and put a note at the end of my responses to the prompt, but if I don't, comments and constructive critiques are ALWAYS welcome here. Okay? Okay. so, let me have it. Give me what you've got. I can take it. 

22 comments:

  1. I love the dialogue. Dialogue that rings true but is interesting to read is tough to write. I think you did that here. Enjoyed this.

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    1. Thanks! I like knowing what works. You're right, dialogue is a crafty demon to keep control of, so I'm happy that I was able to maintain the balance here.

      I'm thrilled you enjoyed your stay. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts!

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  2. I like the snarky banter between these two. Good dialogue moves things along!

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    1. Thanks! I hope I was able to show their individuality in what they said. Abilene is fun because she's a Jezebel, and Essie is a delightful challenge to keep her warm and approachable AND for lack of a better word, prudish. I was looking for the delicate conflict of vice vs virtue as opposed to saved vs. damned.

      I hope you enjoyed your visit. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts!

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  3. Great dialogue and characters. And dropping in a safeword to casual conversation is such a splendid conversational gambit. I really enjoyed this

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad the safeword was as clever as it sounded in my head. I eavesdropped on a conversation that started that way once...but that's a story for another time I think.

      I'm happy you enjoyed your visit. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts!

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  4. I think your dialogue is excellent. I really enjoyed it LM x

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    1. Thanks! I wanted to insert more here, but the word limit kept me to sticking with the basics.

      I'm pleased you enjoyed your stay. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts!

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  5. This has such potential as a longer piece! I'd like to see a bit more of Essie reacting, either directly to Abilene or to how Abilene is toying with the Reaper. I know she's supposed to fade a bit in this piece, but she's almost too innocuous. (Like others have mentioned, though, the dialogue is lovely.)

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    1. Thanks! Good call. I've made notes. This is eventually going to be a novel, at least I'm working towards that goal. So this scene someday will be beefier with Essie in mind.

      I hope you enjoyed your visit. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts!

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  6. I like how you used the dialogue to give the reader a clearer picture of who Abilene is. Two little misspellings that stood out: Arc de Triomphe and Eiffel Tower.

    To go along with Angela's comment (which I did on another writer's post just a few minutes ago...Angie and I agree a lot it seems), I think showing Essie's reaction to Abilene would also help set up the relationship between the two of them.

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    1. Thanks! Especially for pointing out my spelling errors. My French professeuse would be so disappointed with me. And cutting this to 500 words was a tad ambitious on my end, considering I know I can get at least a 2k chapter from this scene.

      I'm glad you enjoyed your visit. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts!

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  7. Ditto on the banter. You packed a lot of backstory into their dialogue without letting it drag. Love the line about the analogy getting away from her...made me chuckle.

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    1. Thanks! I'm partial to that line myself.

      I'm pleased you enjoyed your stay. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts!

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  8. I really enjoyed the dialog in this one. It was quick and clever. A pleasure to read.

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    1. Thanks! I'll take quick and clever anytime.

      I'm happy you enjoyed your visit. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts!

      Delete
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    1. Thanks! I'm pleased you enjoyed your stay. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts!

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  10. I really wanted to see where that analogy ended up - it was great! I agree with what has been said, a bit more Essie here would be fun. I do love her reaction to Paris. It feels almost childlike in the excitement which is a great counterpoint to Abilene.

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    1. Thanks! I'm glad I was able to execute the contrast between these two women in a way that was comfortable. But the three of them, Reaper included, are so much fun right now...there aren't enough hours in the day to bring their story to completion just yet.

      I'm glad you enjoyed your visit. Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts!

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  11. Abilene steals the show here, for sure, but I, too, really like Essie's excitement over the new assignment.

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    1. Thanks! Abilene is delightfully devilish and Essie so sweet. Like the difference between Devil's Food and Angel's Food Cakes. I have a feeling there are some madcap adventures in store for these unlikely partners.

      I'm happy you enjoyed your stay. Thank you for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts!

      Delete