Friday, August 10, 2012

Write On Edge: Phoenix Challenge

Red Writing Hood gave us 450 words and a phoenix, either the constellation or the mythic bird.

Phoenix symbolizes a birth from the ashes of destruction. Fitting then, or perhaps prophetic, that the first newspaper published in America by Native Americans and the first to be published in a Native American tongue was named The Cherokee Phoenix. The first issue was released on February 21, 1828 in New Echota, the then capital of the Cherokee Nation in Georgia. A year later, focus for the paper shifted from the Cherokee Tribe to national matters that affected all Indians. The paper was renamed The Cherokee Phoenix and Indian Advocate and often published articles that covered the growing Congressional debates and the Indian Removal Act of 1830.

It ceased publication in 1834, unable to survive the Trail of Tears.

However, like a true phoenix, The Cherokee Phoenix rose from the ashes of its past in the 20th century, and is actively participating in the technological age with a website and iPhone availability.

So, the mythic phoenix might not be wholly Cherokee, but I felt I could exercise a little mythic license. The idea comes from the tales of Raven, how Raven is the animal spirit known for trickery and for teaching life lessons.




I offer the following in response: A Raven in the Fire



“Stillwater, you pulled me from the council fire for a raven?” Cornblossom glared at her little brother. His timing could not have been worse. Redhatchet was handed the Talking Stick, and his words were always important.

Her brother’s jagged smile revealed another missing tooth. “Not a raven, a firebird.”

Trepidation drove the council from her mind as she inspected the trapped bird again. Pitch black feathers curled against the evening breeze. There was something fluid about its feathers, as if the down was made of blood. It let out a soft, crackling cry as it caught her look. “Let the bird go,” she demanded.

Stillwater’s pout waterlogged his whole body. “No, I’m going to show Father once the council meeting is over.”

“Raven is a trickster. He’s not going to like you trapping him like this. He’ll curse you.” The bird left her disquiet, as it preened calmly in its trap. She tasted sulfur in the air. Was it a firebird?

“It’s not Raven.”

“Think about this. If it truly is a firebird, catching it is wrong and our ancestors will forsake us. If it’s Raven, trying to trick us, he’s only going to be a raven when Father sees it, and you will be humiliated before the entire clan.”

Intense, the bird’s gaze pressured her. She was imagining things now. Ash couldn’t possibly drip from the creature. It couldn’t possibly glow under its feathers like the embers of the council fire.

Her brother tried a different tactic, “Please? I’ll let it go after Father sees it, deal?”

“If you won’t release him, I will.” Cornblossom folded her arms and attempted her mother’s disapproving scowl. “One.”

Stillwater didn’t move.

“Two.” She tapped her fingers against her arm. “Three.”

She reached down to pull the pin to the wooden structure, the air singeing her fingertips. She withdrew abruptly and sucked at the burns. “Ow!”

His jagged smile was back and Stillwater bounced about excitedly. “See, I told you I caught a firebird.”

“Let it go!”

The bird roared its crackling cry and Cornblossom saw the wood of the trap begin to smoke. “No, it’s escaping!” Stillwater shrieked, tugging at her dress. “You gotta help me!”

“It doesn’t want to be trapped, Stillwater,” she whispered, “It has a job to do. You have to let it go.”

Flames erupted, consuming the cage entirely. The bird broke free and drifted noiselessly towards the stars, invisible in the night except for the faint red afterglow of its feathers. Stillwater stormed away, defeated. Cornblossom never told him, but left behind in the ashen tinder was a small, unremarkable black feather. She gave it to their father, a medicine-man, for safekeeping. Just in case.

28 comments:

  1. Very nice writing. This is a complete story. Impressive for 450 words. I felt like I was peering into another culture. Thank you.

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    1. Thanks! I'm thrilled this worked and that you enjoyed your stay. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  2. I loved the siblings squabbling, it was almost as if the firebird set itself free out of irritation, seeing it could have really done so at any time. This was a really nice stand alone piece, it has a lovely, 'sit around the fire' and listen aspect to it.

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    1. Thanks! I love campfire moments, so I'm thrilled this piece has that kind of flavor. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  3. I love how you brought the bird so close to your characters. Most phoenix stories have humans witnessing the fantastic creature, but never interacting with it.

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    1. Thanks! Interaction provides action, which in turn provides drama and conflict. It's just not as much fun otherwise. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  4. Loved the story and background.Being an ancient Cherokee I agree this sounds like a story my family would have enjoyed around the campfire. You show that brothers and sisters no matter the culture are pretty much the same.Hope to see more of these two.BRAVO. JAKS

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    1. Thanks JACKS! Having such a nod from a fellow tribal member means more to me than you know. I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the story. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  5. The back story information was interesting and the story was the best and felt very authentic.

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    1. Thanks! I'll very happily take authentic. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  6. A history lesson about the Cherokee people as well as a fantastic tale of a mythical creature. Brilliant. I liked how the bird communicated with the siblings, even if only the sister was willing to listen!

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    1. Thanks! It's a common belief among Native Americans that nature will tell you all her secrets but you have to listen. I'm glad that you enjoyed the "history/cultural lesson". Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  7. I agree with the others - this has a wonderful storyteller quality to it that goes beyond the written word into true, old fashioned storytelling. Wonderful as always!!

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    1. Thanks! I'm thrilled I was able to carry the "oral tradition" feel through the piece. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  8. Lovely. Just lovely. I think the lead-in could be a bit smoother, but otherwise it is just a lovely, lovely story. Well-done!

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    1. Thanks! Considering by Thursday morning, I still had no idea how to approach the prompt, I'll take this very happily. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  9. Good job on the dialogue, you made it flow so naturally. My little brother and I have had many such arguments. This could actually be a transcript, except, you know, the birds he catches never burst into flames.

    I also liked seeing the mythical phoenix as a small, black, raven in a wooden trap. The unexpectedness of it adds a whole new flavor to the familiar.

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    1. Thanks! I thought, like dragons, it might be nice that the phoenix might take on a different appearance in a different region. Then it became an obvious choice for me to go with a black bird, like it's made of coal or cooled lava.

      I'm glad you enjoyed your stay. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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    2. I never even thought of it that way, but when you wrote about something fluid and glowing beneath the raven's black feathers, it seemed so right. Good call on that one.

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  10. This was enjoyable. I really like the characters names too. I want to know what they are keeping it for, just in case.

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    1. Thanks! Medicine formulas among tribes is so sacred and guarded, medicine-men often train from the time they are very young and all training takes place in private locations. The feather, whether it belonged to the "Raven the trickster/teacher" or the phoenix, would have value for a medicine-man, and he would keep it until such time as the medicine was unlocked. A feather of that importance, even if benign, would be kept from the wrong hands.

      I'm thrilled you enjoyed your stay. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  11. What an amazing thing for them to have witnessed, if only the little brother could have seen how much more important seeing is than capturing. Very interesting and unique take on the phoenix prompt

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    1. Thanks! I wanted something fresh that still felt traditional in origin. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  12. History AND a lovely tale...I truly felt as though this could reside in a book of cultural stories. Great job.

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    1. Thanks! I was going to go with a creation story common to tribal folklore, but the idea of the arguing siblings appealed to me more, so I'm glad the piece still resonated a cultural feel. I hope you've enjoyed your stay. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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  13. You always have such fresh spins on the prompt. I just love this. The fire bird, the sibling relationship, the wonder and magic, and your ease within the world of your story—all wonderful.

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    1. Thanks! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed it. This was a prompt I wasn't sure I was going to pull off, so I'm thrilled it worked. As always, thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!

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